Tips on going sober from a mental, emotional and spiritual perspective.

Health trends are constant. Whether it’s the new “superfood” like broccoli, the latest exercise fad like zumba or the most potent new antioxidant powder you simply must have.

As someone who’s been in the wellness industry for over a decade I’ve seen huge shifts as different health tips gain momentum and enter the mainstream. I mean 10 years ago green juices and vegetarian or organic food options were not as easily available as now.

Of course there are still loads of food and exercise trends as we each work out what is best for us and start to see behind the buzz of marketing and our own research (a whole other topic!), but there’s also been a movement into trends that impact our mental and emotional wellness rather than just our physical.. One of these trends is going alcohol free, or ‘sober curious’. I prefer alcohol free as sober I dedicate more to people who have gone through addiction (which is a big deal), but none the less the trend of going alcohol free hits differently to other health trends. Why? Because I feel it affects us each so differently on so many levels.

For many of us alcohol has been a way to numb emotions. When something happens in life and it all feels too much we immediately go for “I need a drink. I could down a bottle of wine right now. I just want to drown my sorrows”. In fact I’d definitely go as far to say that this has been a very strong social conditioning for us all, if not through our family then definitely through media like tv shows and movies where drinking to get through life is often not just normalised, but glamourised.

So when we see a trend to go alcohol free, is it as simple as just not drinking? I don’t think so. During COVID many people did decide to stop, without the temptations of going out, they didn’t feel the need to drink. Then there were other groups of people who actually drank a lot more - for these people drinking is their coping mechanism to deal with stress. But for many I know the occasional glass of wine suddenly wasn’t quelling their anxiety and so they drank more as life became more stressful. So giving up alcohol is a different journey for different people - depending on what’s happened in your life, what coping mechanisms you have, whether you’ve been to therapy over things, have close friends to talk too, have learned to self soothe and regulate your emotions, or have a strong meditation practice is ALL going to impact your going alcohol free journey.

Now I also want to state that I believe “it’s not what you do, but how you do it” and that it is possible to have a “conscious” relationship with alcohol. I largely believe that this substance does numb us and typically allows us to fall into less conscious states. I’m still amazed that alcohol is legal over plant medicines that when used in the right set and setting can really open us up to the super conscious, but hey that’s a whole other conversation!

It has It’s been 11 years this year since I’ve drunk alcohol or taken recreational drugs. It’s such a distant memory for me now - the urge to drown my sorrows, numb any feelings I had and be a constant party person.

I had such a strong spiritual peak experience and awakening at that time - it was the catalyst for so many things for me. I didn’t want to touch alcohol after that, and instead left my well paid job and flat in London and went on a one way trip to Brasil to explore life. It was over those years that I learnt about meditation, ecstatic dance, emotional intelligence, plant ceremonies and more. I slowly started to get in touch with my emotions, and learn to be with them, rather than wanting to drown them away with alcohol. It wasn’t always easy, but I knew I was on the right path and that it was worth it.

Fast forward to this month where I’ve been to several festivals and the topic of “sobriety” seemed to be everywhere.

At one festival I had 2 separate woman approach me saying how I had inspired them in their sobriety journey. They weren’t drinking a lot anyway but when they stopped having an evening glass of wine here or there how much emotional energy from the past surfaced to be healed. 

They were both surprised in their own ways. 

Stopping drinking and going sober is never about the substance, it’s about an act of self love. Of remembering how to feel the full spectrum of emotions of being human. Our society has conditioned alcohol so deeply within us as coping mechanism that we don’t see it. 

Should it be normal that 99% of people drink to cope with life, to get through stress at work or stress of family? Is it a sign that we don’t have enough emotional support from others, or that feeling and processing emotions is not taught, or really widely accepted. 

I also often hear, “oh I don’t like meditation, I can’t do it, much prefer a wine”. In a society where we don’t talk about emotions and the source of “why we act certain ways” I feel this statement often is a mask of someone who ‘may’ be holding a lot of stuff in they don’t want to feel and prefer numbing it with wine. This is probably NOT what they are consciously thinking - but likely to be what’s happening at a sub-conscious level.

When we’ve all been hypnotised that it’s cool to drink wine and not talk about our emotions or go to therapy sometimes it’s harder to see that the real solution we all need is to be taught how to sit, process, and be held and witnessed with our emotions. 

So drinking occasionally if you chose that is fine. I feel though if it’s a crutch to get through stress or numb feelings then it’s probably not doing you too many favours.

Working through things and unwinding old patterns takes time, so this a journey.

At another festival I met another 2 women who are very much on their journey of wanting to be alcohol free and frustrated that it’s not been a smooth journey of transition. Feeling guilt if they drink and finding it hard to “just have one” and stop, leading to binge drinking….

What’s underlying it. What’s the part of you that wants to keep going, even though another part of you only wanted one drink?

Maybe you need support.

You can see why going alcohol free is so deeper than other health trends like eating more broccoli, and why it’s different for everyone.

It can take time. It’s a journey of undoing a lot of social conditioning and individual conditioning around how you use alcohol.

Being honest with yourself and where you’re at and where you need support.

I help a support a lot of clients through the process of moving away from using the occasional glass of wine to process and give them space to express and move through their feelings and create new tools and coping mechanisms to navigate emotionally challenging moments. 

Often we shame our emotions and our use of alcohol so we keep it secret, we can isolate ourselves or “pretend” we’re keeping up with a trend of sobriety, when there are tender parts of us that need attention and love.

So if you’re on this journey and need some support, do reach out.

This is a path I’ve walked and I’d be happy to help you find your way on it to.